I did so well yesterday. I managed to go a whole day without talking to her. It's the longest we've been without contact for 3 years.
But today I text her and asked her to give me a call, which she did. We managed to talk calmly. I explained how I felt, and how I think she feels and she agreed - she feels trapped, and very claustrophobic. I apologised and explained again how I felt, explained that there was no space for games anymore, explained that I loved her unconditionally and would marry her on the spot, right there and then if I had the option. I told her she and the children are my everything, and that she is my soul mate.
She said she still has "a love" for me but as a friend, no longer in a boyfriend / girlfriend kind of way, and that there was no going back. She said that the rose tinted glasses came off some months back when I was texting a girl I'd met on the net. There was nothing to it, but the texting was a bit flirty. She was going through a rough patch and needed cheering up, and I guess I was after a bit of an ego boost. My girlfriend found out about this and I apologised that it had happened, and that I had hidden it from her. I also immediately cut out all contact with the other girl.
My girlfriend said that her alter ego came back with a vengeance after that, and while there were other difficulties in our lives which affected our relationship we grew apart and became different people.
I guess in a way I can't argue with that, but never, not once, did I stop loving her. I still haven't stopped loving her. She's my world, she and the children, and I don't think I can cope without them.